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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22381993">I Hate It When You Make Me Laugh (Even Worse When You Make Me Cry)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draco_sollicitus/pseuds/Draco_sollicitus'>Draco_sollicitus</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Condoms, Damerey Daily, Discussions of sex, F/M, High School AU, Misunderstandings, One Shot, References to Abuse, Rumors, Secret Relationship, So much angst, cursing, rough language</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 16:28:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,889</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22381993</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draco_sollicitus/pseuds/Draco_sollicitus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Then</i><br/>Poe Dameron was so in love with Rey Solana. He didn't know how to explain it: they just felt <i>right</i> together. But Rey pulled away unexpectedly after a really wonderful night, and he was left with nothing but questions.</p><p><i>Now</i><br/>Rey Solana <i>hates</i> Poe Dameron so much, she doesn't know what to do with it. On some level, she thinks it's her own fault for ever trusting him - but when a well-timed English assignment lets her express herself fully, Rey finds herself closer to the truth than she was before.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Poe Dameron/Rey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>104</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Hate It When You Make Me Laugh (Even Worse When You Make Me Cry)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>helllooo</p><p>This is part of a High School AU I once considered writing, but I like it better as a one-shot, and it works very well with Day 23 of Damerey Daily, which borrows its prompt from the great Teen Romcom, <i>Ten Things I Hate About You</i></p><p> </p><p>  <i>“And mostly, I hate the way that I don’t hate you. Not even a little bit. Not even… at all.”</i></p><p> </p><p><i>Notes</i><br/>Poe POV is in past tense/set in past<br/>Rey POV is in present tense, set as "now"</p><p> </p><p><b>WARNINGS</b><br/>*References to teens having sex/talking about having sex (no one has sex in this!)<br/>*Condoms<br/>*Cruel rumors (lies spread about Rey and Poe)<br/>*People call Rey "slut"<br/>*Lots of cursing, including multiple uses of the "f" word<br/>*References to child abuse (Rey lives in an abusive foster home with this 'verse version of Unkar Plutt, and he does things like shout at her and hit her / brief reference to burning her, v. brief and nongraphic)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>She never should have trusted him.</p><p>Rey can close her eyes now and imagine that day all over again, the day at the Harvest festival, when Poe Dameron ducked his head and asked her if she wanted to borrow his jacket. “<em> I thought you might be cold,” </em>he’d muttered to her, almost shy. </p><p>And she’d stared at him, confused, as he slipped his jacket - leather, not the letterman one he was entitled to as captain of the football <em> and </em>soccer team - off and slowly wrapped it around her shoulders, giving her time to pull away.</p><p>She hates him.</p><p>She hates that she took that damn jacket; he’d seen her shiver, after all, so she shouldn’t have been so floored that he wanted her to take his jacket. He wasn’t Sherlock fucking Holmes by any means. He was just mildly observant, and was standing near her at the start of the festival.</p><p>She hates that she let him drive her home that night, and she hates that he only laughed and flashed her a quiet, private smile (so different from the big one he wore after he won games, the smarmy one he wore in the hallway) when she told him he drove like Maz Kanata, who everyone knew was half-blind and too short to see over the dashboard.</p><p>She hates that she let him sit with her at lunch the next Monday. And then all the following days. That she let him walk her to class. That she helped him with his robotics project. That she walked to his house with him when it was raining because it was closer than Unkar’s and his roof didn’t leak. </p><p>That she said yes when he asked shyly, three months after the Harvest festival, if she wanted to go on a date with him.</p><p>That she said yes … to every other date after that.</p><p>That she didn’t think it odd when he didn’t tell anyone at school that they were dating.</p><p>That she called him when Unkar had slammed his fist into the wall an inch too close to her head and she was convinced he was going to kill her and she just wanted to hear someone nice for one so she called <em> him.  </em></p><p>(That he saw, a month ago, what she went home to. That he sat in the driveway after driving her home and saw Unkar grab her and throw her to the ground. That he jumped out of the car immediately and helped her get up, staying between her and Unkar the whole time.)</p><p>(That she let herself believe, for even a second, that she was someone worth defending).</p><p>Because here’s the thing:</p><p>Rey Solana <em> hates </em>Poe Dameron. </p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> Three Days Ago </em>
</p><p>Poe pulled back from the kiss and smiled up at her. </p><p>“Wow,” he whispered, laughing softly and pushing some hair out of her face. “I - I-”</p><p>“Wow?” Rey guessed snarkily, and Poe felt a bubble of joy build up in his chest as he nodded and grinned.</p><p>“Wow.”</p><p>“Eloquent.” Rey kissed him again, and he tried to keep his hands still on the outside of her muscular thighs, but his thumbs stirring nervous circles against the thick material of her jeans. </p><p>They were in the back of his truck, and the windows were fogged beyond all belief. Poe had a hysterical moment in his head where he imagined driving home like this and trying to explain to Kes that he’d forgotten what the defroster was - but then shook his head slightly because his dad wouldn’t necessarily care that Poe was making out with his girlfriend in the back of his truck.</p><p>Kes loved Rey.</p><p>Not like Poe did, but he loved her. </p><p>Poe didn’t imagine the way his dad’s eyes flickered with pain when he saw the bruises Rey always tried to hide on her forearms - it was why she always wore long sleeves; he also knew that if it weren’t for the impossibly slow response of CPS, Kes would have had Rey out of that monster’s house by now.</p><p>But, his dad knew two people who would love a daughter - the Andors - and Poe knew they were working as hard as possible to work out a transfer with the help of Mrs. Organa. He had to hope it would work out. <em> And in the meantime… </em></p><p>“Where’d you go?” Rey whispered, rubbing her nose sweetly against his temple. Poe blinked and looked up at her, smiling guiltily. She framed his face in her small hands and butterfly kissed his cheek. “There you are.”</p><p>Rey Solana was only sweet with him. She had other friends at school - Finn Calrissian, mainly, and by extension his girlfriend Rose, who was inclined to get along with everyone who wasn’t an asshole - but ... she was still slightly acerbic even with them, as much as she (in her own words) adored Finn.</p><p>But Rey was sweet with him, in private. Still snarky and acerbic at school, still inclined to bicker and banter and tease him in front of the team, in front of his friends, in front of the entire student body, but alone: <em> God </em>, when they were alone -</p><p>She was sweeter than sugar, brighter than Sunshine, and Poe was completely convinced that - just like that book Skywalker made them read - whatever souls were made of, theirs were the same. And it fucking killed him, it really did, to think that she was going back to that house tonight. Unless:</p><p>“Stay with me,” he whispered, moving his hands to her elbows. Rey smiled, confused. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Stay with me,” Poe repeated more urgently. Rey shifted where she was straddling his lap, an action that would normally make him swallow a groan, but he was too focused on getting an answer. “Stay with me tonight.”</p><p>“In the truck?” Rey looked around, awkwardly, and laughed. “That seems stupid. It’s freezing outside-”</p><p>“No. At my house.” She stiffened slightly, something twisting her expression, but Poe shook his head, “No, no, no, not like that - we have another room you can sleep in, and … and I’ll know that you’re okay.” His voice broke, painfully, and he couldn’t help but let his eyes drift to the horrible mark under her collarbone, the one that was scarring, from a burn he now knew was anything but accident.</p><p>“I don’t know,” Rey whispered, cheeks flushing. She wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I - I don’t want to sneak around behind your dad’s back.”</p><p>“I’ll tell him.” Poe took her hands and squeezed them earnestly; her fingers were cold so he rubbed them as well as he could while searching her face. “It won’t be sneaking around - he’d love to have you. Just - stay with me - come home with me tonight?”</p><p>He was sure she’d say no, slide off his lap and sit with her hands folded as she coolly asked to be taken back to her own house, but Rey ducked her head and then nodded. “Okay.”</p><p>“Okay?”</p><p>“Yeah,” she looked up at him, and it was like looking into the sun. “I’ll go home with you.”</p><p>Poe was still grinning when she leaned down to kiss him again, and he lost himself in it.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> Now </em>
</p><p>Poe Dameron’s sitting with his ridiculous team, wearing his ridiculous letterman jacket, and the entire table - Snap, his girlfriend Kare, Iolo, Yolo, Jess - is laughing.</p><p>Maybe <em> he </em>isn’t laughing, but Rey’s sure that it’s only because he told the funny joke that made them all laugh.</p><p>Her neck burns when she remembers that it might be <em> her </em>they’re laughing about.</p><p>God, she hates Mondays.</p><p>Finn has an apprenticeship on Mondays, which means he isn’t in the lunch room because he’s off-campus, which means no one’s at her table, which means she’s alone.</p><p>Rey forces herself to finish the last bite of her school-provided free cheese sandwich, balls up the plastic wrap, and tosses it towards the garbage as she stands up. </p><p>She sees out of the corner of her eye that Poe stands too, and she can feel him staring at her. Instead of waiting for a second, Rey grabs her textbooks and wraps her arms around them protectively, booking it to the doors so she can avoid making eye contact with the asshole quarterback who broke her -</p><p>
  <em> No.  </em>
</p><p>He doesn’t get that honor.</p><p>Unfortunately, choir let out ten minutes late, so there’s a random influx of students pouring into the cafeteria, and Rey hovers at the edge of the doors, waiting miserably and trying to wonder if she can sprint for the doors that lead outside (she’s sure Mr. Chewbacca, the security guard, will let her back in if she buzzes at the intercom and asks really nicely).</p><p>Poe’s so freaking close to her now - her skin feels three times too small - and two sophomores look at her, look at him, look back at her as they walk in.</p><p>“Slut,” the blonde one hisses at her, and Rey swallows back a pained retort because as brave as she is, and as scrappy as she is, she doesn’t typically get into fights that she sees no point in.</p><p>Her lack of response doesn’t go over well.</p><p>“Slut,” the other girl says, louder this time, and a bunch of other kids nearby start laughing. Rey clutches her books tigheter, face bright-red, and that’s when the worst possible thing happens:</p><p>“Hey!” It’s Poe. He’s scowling at the girls, who only smirk and giggle at him, trying to <em> defend </em> Rey, and worse enough, when Rey bolts from the cafeteria, he <em> follows her.  </em></p><p>“Rey!”</p><p>“Leave me alone.” Her voice does not sound Brave. It doesn’t sound much like her voice at all. </p><p>She doesn’t slow her steps, but Poe’s still following her.</p><p>“Please, please, talk to me - Rey, <em> please </em>- what the hell were they talking about?”</p><p>“Oh, fuck off!” Rey snarls, spinning around. Her entire head feels like it’s on fire. “Like you don’t know.”</p><p>He stares at her, puppy eyes and all. Whatever. She won’t fall for it this time.</p><p>“You - you told <em> everyone </em>,” her voice quavers, and she hates that too. “And - and I could have dealt with it before, but - but you made me -” </p><p>“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Poe insists, and she <em> hates </em>that he’s so confused, that it looks so genuine. “But whatever’s happening, I - I wanna talk about it, Sunshine, I don’t wanna lose you-”</p><p>“Leave me the fuck alone,” Rey wants to kick the nearest locker but she holds back as she turns around and starts walking. “And you already did,” she snaps as a parting shot, and she <em> hates </em>that she can hear his pained intake of breath, like she’s stabbed him, or worse, hates that she can imagine how he looks, standing in the deserted hallway by himself, dragging his hands through his stupid hair.</p><p>God, she hates Poe Dameron.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> Three Days Ago </em>
</p><p>They drove to Walgreens first to buy Rey a toothbrush she could use, and some midnight snacks. Poe was grinning so hard his face hurt, and as tacky as it was, he felt like the Ed Sheeran song playing on the radio quietly could be <em> their </em>song, he was so damn happy - </p><p>They were almost to the convenience store, their hands laced together over the gear shift, when Rey made his heart stop.</p><p>Thank God they were at a red light.</p><p>“I want to … um…” Poe looked over at her as she struggled to finish the sentence, and he squeezed her hand in what he hoped was a reassuring way. “When we’re … there… can we buy … something else?”</p><p>“Like what?” She didn’t seem to like it when Poe bought her things, and Poe always wanted to buy her things, so he was happy to get whatever she wanted - </p><p>“Like. Condoms.” Rey whispered the word, but Poe’s heart stopped anyway.</p><p>“Condoms,” he repeated weakly, his heartbeat audible in his ears. “Like. For -”</p><p>“Yes, for that.” Rey laughed awkwardly and then nudged him. “Light’s green.”</p><p>Poe started driving, eyes wide as he drove down the dark road in the middle of Yavin. </p><p>“Poe?”</p><p>“Uh.” His voice cracked somehow even on that syllable, and he cleared his throat. “Uhm, yeah we should - I -”</p><p>“Not for tonight,” Rey whispered, and Poe nodded, glancing over at her to see her already staring at him, and he nodded again, hoping she understood that even if they <em> never </em>did … use … those … he’d be absolutely fine with it. “But. For later? If we …. If we change our minds … so we’re not, uh-”</p><p>“Unprepared?” Poe hedged, and Rey nodded, lips pressed together now. </p><p>“Irresponsible,” she added in a whisper, eyes sad when he looked over, and he nodded.</p><p>He turned into the Walgreens parking lot, pulled into a spot facing the front of the store, and turned the truck off.</p><p>“I-” Poe began.</p><p>“Can you-” Rey said at the same time, and he smiled at her and nudged her with his elbow to tell her she should talk. “Canyoubuythem?” She asked in a rush.</p><p>“Of course,” Poe laughed, shaking his head. There was self checkout now, so any chance at mortification was slim to none. “Do you wanna wait out here so you can stay in the car?”</p><p>She smiled and then yawned slightly. “Yeah.”</p><p>“I’ll be right back.” After turning the truck back on,Poe leaned over and kissed her cheek, and Rey smiled at the floor as he popped the door open and hopped out.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> Now </em>
</p><p>English used to be the only class Rey <em> didn’t </em>hate, on account of it being taught by her favorite teacher.</p><p>But, Poe Dameron’s in this class with her, so now she can’t even enjoy her favorite class.</p><p>She sits at the back of the class, and he sits in the front, so at least he can’t turn around and stare at her without Mr. Skywalker calling him on it (which Skywalker would <em> totally </em>do).</p><p>“Do we have any volunteers to read their poems?” Mr. Skywalker asks, and a few people groaned, probably the ones who didn’t write their poems at all. </p><p>Rey grips her crumpled up paper and tries not to look at it. She’d really, really liked the Elizabeth Barret Browning poem Skywalker had assigned, but now that she’s looking at her own poem...there’s no way it compares. She’d written this poem in a frenzy last night, totally burning her first draft to the ground, and Rey isn’t sure this is even <em> good </em> (but at least she <em> means </em>it).</p><p>Kaydel Connix volunteers to go first, and hers sounds nice, albeit a little boring, and Rey lets herself space out.</p><p>At the end of Kay’s poem, everyone claps politely, and Snap leans over and nudges Poe, pointing obviously at Poe’s notebook. Rey can see Poe shake his head (she <em> hates </em>that she’s even looking at him, but to be fair, he’s four rows in front of her at the front of the class), and then Poe looks over his shoulder at her.</p><p>She only barely stops herself from flicking him off.</p><p>(Skywalker <em> might </em>have a problem with it)</p><p>“Anyone else?” Skywalker asks.</p><p>“I think Solana has some feelings she needs to get off her chest,” Armie Hux sneers, and half the class erupts in titters. </p><p>Rey’s face is on fire, and she swallows, hard, when almost everyone looks at her. She stares at her shitty one-dollar notebook and won’t let herself look at them, won’t let herself see the self-satisfaction on Poe’s face, won’t let herself see the pity on Rose’s face, won’t let anyone hurt her who isn’t her -</p><p>She can hear Skywalker immediately command the class to stop (she can hear the confusion in her voice because she’s sure he’s aware that she’s a nobody in the grand scheme of high school), and then, even worse, she can hear Poe Dameron’s pretty, pleasant voice snapping, “Fuck off, Armitage.”</p><p>“Ooooo,” his cronies call, and Rey looks up, furious, to see Poe looking at her, clearly pained.</p><p>Probably guilt.</p><p>She hates him so much, him and his stupid, handsome face.</p><p>So, Rey raises her hand and does something that will make her feel any kind of control.</p><p>“I’ll read it, Mr. Skywalker.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> Three Days Ago </em>
</p><p>There was a pleasant sort of canned music playing as Poe walked down the aisle, holding a toothbrush. He was way too happy that they had a green one because green was Rey’s favorite color, and Poe could already tell it was going to make her smile, and he couldn’t wait to see her smile.</p><p>He debated getting her a pair of fuzzy slippers, but decided she’d squirm too much and try to tell him it was too much, and Poe didn’t want to make her feel any kind of uncomfy tonight.</p><p>Then, he was there:</p><p>The condom aisle.</p><p>Poe rubbed his neck and wondered, distantly, if Verizon would send his father an email saying “<em> your child has Googled the phrase ‘best condom for losing virginity” at a local Walgreens at 10:32 PM. Maybe you should call him right now and schedule an appointment to have Another Way Too Awkward Birds and Bees talk in the morning.” </em></p><p>To be fair, Kes would help him buy these if they talked about it, but something told Poe he should at least try to buy these on his own; if he was old enough to have sex, he was old enough to buy condoms and not get embarrassed. </p><p>
  <em> Was he old enough to buy condoms? Was it like cigarettes?  </em>
</p><p>Poe grabbed a smaller box of Trojans and tensed, waiting for some kind of alarm to go off to alert everyone that a minor was buying condoms, but nothing happened. Poe let a breath out and walked to the front of the store, hoping he had enough cash in his wallet to cover both items.</p><p>And, as luck (not good luck) would have it Armitage Hux was standing in line in front of him, holding a case of coke and no doubt heading to the party at Mitaka’s house that happened every other Friday night.</p><p>“Dameron,” Hux sneered.</p><p>“Hugs,” Poe answered serenely, smiling at him. Hux rolled his eyes, and then glanced down at the condoms Poe was holding.</p><p>“Hmm,” Hux hummed, turning around.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Nothing, nothing.” Poe glared up at the ginger head in front of him, but told himself drop-kicking another kid in public wasn’t the recipe for maintaining his status as student body president. “Just..”</p><p>“Just <em> what </em>?”</p><p>“Just, wouldn’t have thought you were the sort to need to buy that.” Hux smirked at him before heading to the open self checkout machine. “Almost makes me like you better.”</p><p>“Ugh.” Poe ignored him and instead focused on the very positive idea of Rey waiting for him outside in the truck, no doubt cozying up to the heater, looking cuter than anyone had a right to look, and he was pleasantly distracted for the rest of the time he was in Walgreens.</p><p>When he slipped back in the truck, Hux was a distant memory, especially when Rey woke up from her slight doze and smiled at him, leaning over for a kiss, which he most happily gave her.</p><p>God, he wished she wasn’t so shy; he’d love to tell the whole school how in love with her he was (and he was sure almost everyone had to know anyway, based on how he looked at her). But, Rey Solana was private, and didn’t like to draw attention to herself, and hadn’t even told Finn they were dating, so Poe could wait.</p><p>He’d wait forever for her.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> Now </em>
</p><p>Rey’s hands are shaking as she stands in front of the class; before she starts reading, she makes the mistake of looking up, and sees that Poe Dameron is really, truly staring at her.</p><p>He looks stricken (which was a vocab test word last week, thanks Mr. Skywalker). </p><p>And that doesn’t make sense.</p><p>She looks back at her paper and starts to read before she loses her shit and her nerve.</p><p>“I hate the way you look at me,” she begins, and <em> wow, </em> is that fitting. “And the way you wear your hair. I hate the way you drive your car,” <em> like an old, half-blind woman, </em>she doesn’t say.</p><p>“-I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb jacket and the way you read my mind. I hate you much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme.” Rey can hear Skywalker huff a laugh at that, and that makes her feel a little better.</p><p>“I hate it,” her voice breaks, painfully, and Rey holds back a sob that’s risen without warning in her throat. “I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie.” Her voice breaks again. She needs to finish this. “I hate when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.”</p><p>And her face twists up, and now everyone knows she’s crying; Rey looks up, mostly to lift her chin so she can breathe a little, and Poe’s frozen in his seat, eyes wide as he stares at her, dark brown eyes filled with regret and - no, she has to be imagining the tear slipping down his cheek. </p><p>“I hate it that you're not around-” <em> she misses him, she misses him, she misses him, she wishes she didn’t but she does </em>, “-and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit - not even at all.”</p><p>Rey claps a hand to her mouth and then shakes her head - it’s all too much and now she’s made a total fool of herself.</p><p>Mr. Skywalker doesn’t call out after her as she sprints from the room, no doubt well aware that she’s about to start sobbing uncontrollably and would rather do that in private with what’s left of her dignity.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> One Hour Ago </em>
</p><p>“Ugh.” Poe tore his hands through his hair and stared at Jess, completely exhausted. “She hates me, and I have <em> no </em>idea why.”</p><p>“Really?” Jess tilted her head at him, and Poe frowned at her. “...no idea at all?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Uh.” Jess coughed and shrugged. “I - I mean, neither of us do social media, Dameron, but if <em> I </em>heard it by now…”</p><p>“Heard what?” Poe’s stomach felt funny. Cold.</p><p>“How you…” Jess shook her head and scrunched her face up. “I mean it’s not <em> like </em>you, so I was confused but if people are calling her slut in the hallway - such a fucked double standard, bee-tee-dubs-”</p><p>“Jess, just <em> say </em>it-”</p><p>“You told … well, I don’t know <em> who </em>you told, but like, the whole school knows by now that you two, y’know-”</p><p>“What do I know?” Poe asked through gritted teeth.</p><p>Snap turned around with a sigh, looking around their study hall to make sure no one was listening. “Jesus, Jess - Poe, everyone knows that you two Did the Do in the back of your truck.” Poe stared at him. “Banged? Canoodled? Boinked?”</p><p>“Ugh.” Jess rolled her eyes.</p><p>“What the actual fuck?” Poe asked quietly.</p><p>“Yeah.” Snap shrugged and eyed the other side of the auditorium. “Kare says she won’t talk to you outta feminist solidarity or somethin’. And, I’m pretty sure she’d kill me if she saw me talking to you -”</p><p>“What-” Poe shook his head, his stomach in knots now, “I have no idea what you two are talking about, Rey and I didn’t-” his voice cracked, “we haven’t-”</p><p>“So you <em> lied </em> about it?” Jess thwapped him with her Econ folder. “God, that’s somehow <em> worse. </em>No, it’s definitely worse!”</p><p>“I didn’t tell anyone!” Poe shouted, and Holdo shushes them without looking up from her book at the monitor desk. He lowered his voice to an anxious whisper. “I mean it - I - I didn’t tell anyone because <em> why </em> would I tell anyone and also <em> nothing </em>happened for anyone to know about-”</p><p>“Rey knows.” Snap grimaced at the agonized noise Poe made. “She, uh - Hux went to her house and, uh, filmed her … reaction to him asking her about it.”</p><p>
  <em> Jesus Christ that was so invasive, and horrifying, and -  </em>
</p><p>“Hux?” Poe’s voice rose again. Another shush by Holdo, and a glare too, this time. He nodded apologetically, face burning, and Holdo went back to ignoring them. “Why the <em> fuck </em>would-”</p><p>He felt the color drain from his face, and he felt sick suddenly.</p><p>“Oh shit.” He wiped his mouth. “Oh, God - I - I was buying condoms - for, uh, just in case?” Jess rolled her eyes spectacularly again. “Rey - never mind, and, I saw Hux. Rey was in my truck outside, and - God, he must have put two and two together, only it made five-”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“-And oh, oh God, oh no.” <em> And now the girl I’m in love with thinks I’m scum and won’t even look at me and it’s all ruined and - </em></p><p>Poe slammed his head into the table as Snap rubbed his back sympathetically.</p><p>Holdo looked up one last time. “Shhh!” </p>
<hr/><p>
  <em> Now </em>
</p><p>Rey catches her breath at the edge of the woods, on the outskirts of campus. She hadn’t stopped running until this moment.</p><p>She wipes her eyes and fights the urge to scream, and then she hears her name:</p><p>“Rey!”</p><p>“Oh, God,” she groans before spinning around. “Leave me <em> alone, </em>Dameron, it’s not hard to-”</p><p>“I’m in love with you,” he says, cutting her off, and Rey freezes, feeling cold.</p><p>No one, literally no one, in her life has ever said that to her. And he - and he just -</p><p>“Fuck you,” Rey whispers, curling her arms around her middle to block some of the cold air.</p><p>“Shit, you must be freezing.” Poe takes his jacket off, and Rey stumbles back when he tries to hand it to her; the jacket hangs in middair between them, a mocking reminder of the first day Rey realized that Poe Dameron could even see her.</p><p>“Leave me alone,” Rey repeats firmly. “And don’t you <em> dare </em>say that to me - after what you did-”</p><p>“I didn’t know,” Poe says pleadingly, his voice earnest and face …. Well, as stupidly handsome as ever. “Rey, please, I didn’t <em> know </em>about the rumors, no one told me ‘til today, and - and I know you have no reason to believe me-” Rey scoffs and half-turns away from him, ignoring how the uncalloused part of her heart is screaming at her to listen, “-but god, Rey, I would never, ever hurt you because I love you, but more than that I respect you-”</p><p>“You lie <i>to</i> and tell fucked up lies <i>about</i> the people you respect all the time, or am I just special?” Rey hisses, turning to glare at him. “You wouldn’t <em> believe </em>what Hux told me you told him -”</p><p>“He saw me at the store,” Poe interrupts, and she stares at him, something clicking in her head -</p><p>-she’d been napping in the front seat of Poe’s car, and a flash of movement made her think Poe was walking up to the car, but the red hair and pointy face belonged to someone else, so she pretended to be asleep all the way so she wouldn’t have to talk to Armitage, who was still being a dick to her after she’d straight up rejected his best friend, Ben, at the beginning of the year -</p><p>“He <em> saw </em>me, and then he must have seen you, and then he lied. He lied to everyone, and - and it isn’t fair,” Poe’s voice breaks, and Rey’s heart does a little too, if she’s being honest, breaks under the permafrost she’d forced it into on Saturday, “It isn’t fucking fair, Sunshine, because everyone’s been terrible to you and no one’s said a word to me, and I’m so so sorry, and I’ll do everything I can to make sure people know that it’s not true, even if - if I have to teal the mic at the next game and tell everyone I’m a virgin-”</p><p>Rey has a wild moment of imagination where she envisions him doing exactly that, and she feels herself half-smiling, but Poe doesn’t even notice.</p><p>“-and more than that, I love you, I’m so in love with you, and I won’t go down without a fight if people hurt someone I love-”</p><p>“Is that true?” Rey interrupts, and Poe blinks, stupefied momentarily, probably because she didn’t scream the question.</p><p>“Of course it’s true, I’d do anything to make this go away and make sure you feel okay-”</p><p>“No.” Rey shakes her head, cheeks pink. “I don’t really c- well, I do, but - the part where you love me. Do you mean it?”</p><p>His smile is heart-breakingly self-deprecating. “More than anything.”</p><p>It’s cold outside, and Rey doesn’t have gloves, and Poe’s holding his jacket at his side, and they’re both shivering, so Rey tells herself it’s for survival that she moves in and wraps her arms around him; she tells herself she doesn’t shudder and squeeze her eyes shut to stop a tear when he hugs her back immediately.</p><p>“I believe you,” she whispers to the air, her heart still aching, but at least comforted by the knowledge that Poe wasn’t the one who bruised it.</p><p>“Oh, thank fuck,” Poe whispers back, kissing the side of her head. </p><p>Rey smiles and decides she’ll wait for a day where she hasn’t read an entire poem about how much she hates him to tell Poe Dameron that she loves him, too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading xoxox sorry for all the angst</p><p>(and yes, catch me still Irate that TTIHAY attributed "How Do I Love Thee" to Shakespeare and NOT E.B.B.)</p><p> </p><p>for reference: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGV4hxhxW8o">from the movie!</a></p><p>Do yourself a favor if you haven't seen it and watch at the VERY least, Heath Ledger singing "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You" to Julia Styles</p></blockquote></div></div>
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